When I Was Lonely

I just finished a new recording for the Lost and Found album, a song called “My Abode.” (Download the mp3)

My Abode

words and music by Alan Sanderson

The road is my abode
It will love me — it will kiss me
The road is my abode
It will hold me — hold me

I turned to you when I was lonely
And you sent me on my way —
Your way

The street is my retreat
And I go there when there’s nowhere else to go
And I know
I belong — I belong

I turned to you when I was lonely
And you sent me on my way —
Your way

And I don’t know which way I’m going
And I don’t know which way I’ve been
And I don’t know where you want me to be
But I know I’m far from home

I turned to you when I was lonely
And you sent me on my way
You said my way was your way
But your way —
Your way is my way home

(Dedicated to the memory of Meggan Mackey, 1974-1999)

About the Song

This song was on the original track list for the Lost and Found album, and I feel that it is one of its most important songs. I wrote it when I was 18 years old, and it captures the emotions and thoughts I had during an important transition in my life. Over the previous year or so I had suffered the loss of some important friendships, including a girlfriend who broke up with me. The first verse is about the loneliness and bitterness I felt about this, and it was intended to be a little melodramatic.

EPSON MFP image
Picture I took in 1998 on my bike ride home from work. This stretch of road is where the song was written.

After I graduated from high school I started cycling 50-100 miles a week, which I found to be very therapeutic for my loneliness. (I actually composed the song during my 7-mile ride home from work one day.) The second verse is about cycling, and the chorus is meant literally in that context.

The third verse is about the spiritual changes that were starting to happen in me as I studied the scriptures every day and prepared to serve a mission. It was becoming clear to me that the Lord wanted me to give up my pride and turn to him. I had been spiritually lost, but the Lord had found me and shown me the way home. This was the first song I ever wrote on a religious theme, and at the time I found it to be an uncomfortable subject to write about plainly, hence the somewhat obscure language.

On the day when I wrote the lyrics I went to visit my cousin‘s apartment and worked on the fingering for the song on her roommate Meggan’s guitar. Meggan died of cancer about a year later while I was serving my mission, and so I have always connected her memory with this song.

About the Recording

I made a rough analog multitrack recording of this song in early 1998, which had a faster tempo and more raw guitar sounds. (My nose was a bit stuffy from a head cold that day.)

My Abode – 1998 recording

My Abode-edit
Picture from my sketchbook, 1998.

In about 2005 when I was teaching myself fingerstyle guitar I reworked the fingering and slowed down the tempo, which turned the song into more of a ballad. The new arrangement sounded like it needed a mandolin part, so I bought one and learned to play it for the new recording. (I have been wanting to buy a mandolin for over a decade.) I think you will agree that the new recording beats the old one by a fair distance.

The recording was done on Linux Mint using Ardour and the Focusrite Scarlett 2i2. The more I use this setup, the more I like it.